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Wednesday, 31 July 2013


I basically ended up taking a year off from writing, or rather from fully concentrating on it, as first 90% of my stories were destroyed in an unfortunate USB memory stick malfunction, then the start of my own proper business and subsequent balls-deep foray into festival planning consumed literally every waking moment for MONTHS, followed (unsurprisingly) by several more months of ill health, all conspired against me. It's only been since I moved into my current house in March that I've had the wherewithal to crack back on with it properly and re-establish some semblance of discipline (I initially used to write from 7-10pm every day, and then as much as possible).

I've got a few things floating about in the ether at the moment, but today one has been SNATCHED from my grubby mitts by the wonderful Dark Continents Publishing (wonderful, because they also published my story about The King in Yellow, Xanthophobia, in Phobophobia - have you got YOUR copy yet?). The story in question is called DREDGE and will appear in their forthcoming The Sea anthology, edited by Nerine Dorman. In it, a family suffering the aftereffects of both the father's infidelity and the worst storm Australia's seen in years, deal with insidious mutations caused by the return of a long dormant, underwater god. Nerine called it "deliciously creepy" and I'm going to keep using that quote until I the day I die in a mysterious brothel fire at the age of eighty-six.

And with this luvverlee news, I bid you all a cheery Cthulhu!

"Great stuff!"
And a deeply appropriate and awesome song:

Tuesday, 23 July 2013


Wow. Nearly two months without an update. HOW UNLIKE WAYNE GOODCHILD TO NEGLECT YOU, INTERNET. So without further ado:

Minus the diabetes.
Writing news first! --> I submitted two stories to pro-rate markets. One was recently rejected BUT not before it reached the second round of submission, which I'm very pleased about. The second is still currently languishing in the second/final round of the sub process, so I have my fingers crossed for that one. OBVS.

I've also submitted a vaguely erotic Lovecraftian piece to an anthology [no tentacle rape, though], which I'm also waiting for the final word on. The editor has told me it's "deliciously creepy" so I hope she likes it enough to pick it once she's read some more ^_^

And the main thing keeping my fingers busy (steady on!) is an urban fantasy/horror noir cyclical novel called THIS VILLAGE NEVER DREAMS. I subbed it to various places a while ago, and 90% of the publishers requested the full manuscript, so that gave me a nice esteem boost. I've (substantially in some parts) reworked it and it's pretty much ready to send back out into the wild. I just need to write the most goddamn awesome, eyeball-grabbing cover letter I can think of. Which is proving much, much harder than I remember.

Film reviews! --> I started working on a review for Children of the Corn 3, then forgot about it, so look for that SOON. I was lucky enough to get free tickets to see an advanced screening of PACIFIC RIM, which is ace...but...HERE COME SPOILERS (highlight to read):

The Breach the Kaiju come from never moves, only one monster comes out it at a time (to start with), and the government monitor it 24/7...so why don't they

a) spend money on an orbital cannon to blast Kaiju the instant they pop out (which would undoubtedly cost far less money than building giant robots), so they can actually stop Kaiju before they get anywhere near land
b) put the Jaegar robots much, much closer to the Breach, so they can actually stop Kaiju before they get anywhere near land
c) get more than one Jaegar to attack a monster, so they can actually stop Kaiju before they get anywhere near land...?
ALSO, we can only access the Kaiju dimension if the Breach is tricked into thinking we're one by literally piggybacking on a monster SO how can the Jaegar pilots escape the dimension when they're nowhere near a Kaiju? Surely the Breach would trap them? Unless we're supposed to believe that the Breach DOES think they're Kaiju, since they're coming from the home dimension...?

Welcome back! Despite these nitpicks, I genuinely believe Pacific Rim is the most visually impressive film I have ever seen. EVER. There wasn't one moment when I did not believe that I was actually watching giant robots fighting giant monsters. And that's all anyone can really ask from a film about, er, giant robots fighting giant monsters.

I also put THE BARRENS in my eyeballs. What a mistake. Stephen Moyer (from True Blood) plays the world's worst dad, Richard Vineyard. He has a new, super hot wife, a teenage daughter and the wimpiest little son I've ever seen in a film. Watch his reaction when he finds a dead dog. It is OSCAR WORTHY:

"Oooo no, I don't like it!"
Dad of the Year takes his family camping so they can spend some quality time together. Except that THE MOTHERFUCKING JERSEY DEVIL may or may not be AFTER THEM! (It is after them). This is simply a footnote in a litany of bad luck and terrible decisions that include:

Dad ignoring news of bear attacks. Dad letting young son play with a knife. Dad taking his family off the trail. Dad getting bit by a dog with rabies AND NOT TELLING ANYONE ABOUT IT. Dad going completely bananas within the space of two days, which is feasible with regards to the gestation period for rabies in humans but man oh man, what terrible luck for his family. 

The Barrens is completely ridiculous. Hardly anyone acts like a real person, and the execution of the whole "is he mental or is the monster real?" angle is both a stroke of genius and utterly rubbish. I can't recommend it, but at the same time I can. I am torn.

I also watched THE MANITOU. Don't ask me why it took so long to see it, as I'm aware it's a, whuuhhh, classic. Woman has a tumour. Tumour is actually a Native American shaman waiting to be reborn. Shaman is birthed out of her back. Shaman looks like a stumpy zombie dwarf. Doctors go from belligerent to nonplussed at the fact there's an angry, magical midget in their hospital. A good Indian turns up and spouts some of the most hardboiled dialogue I've ever heard whilst knocking two sticks together. Tony Curtis gets angry. There's a ghost lizard. The evil dwarf is momentarily defeated by a typewriter. Everything gets mental in the only way a 1978 horror film can: trippy light effects, like you're falling into a wormhole. A conspicuous and somehow incongruous super computer saves the day. I rate this film: MAGICAL.

And that's all the weather! Oh, I also ran an arts festival. That kept me pretty busy. Details HERE.